Company of women

Qualified Entry: Fiction Category

By: Vijit Dubey

A woman’s smile is the most beautiful thing in this world, her craving for your attention the most desirable. But the most titillating thing is her eye contact. I have been lucky to experience all of these but foolish enough to not acknowledge them. In my two year journey I have had three relationships each teaching me a new lesson. I have fallen in their ditch twice while out of frustration I have managed to dump one.

I came into college positive headed promising X that we will make it work. She being selected in DU made me a little nervous that it won’t be possible. In the initial months talking for hours made me feel confident about our relationship. We used to spend almost our entire pocket money to hear those romantic words from that similar voice. But how can a story be that simple. There is always a glitch. Soon after a month I found that she was finding reasons to brand me as ‘a bad partner’. Soon after a lot of differences we stopped talking for a while. Later I came to know that she was having an affair with a delhite since initial days of her college. This was amongst my most distressing times in the college. I felt like a failure at my love life. At this point I started hating any sort of emotional attachment. Gradually I started losing my friends. All I would do all day would be sitting alone in my 15 by 10 hostel room wondering nothing. I would just gaze upon our past messages, letters and her facebook page. Her grinning profile pics with her new boyfriend made me cry couple of times. As a result I messed up my first semester.

Feeling worthless I decided to focus on my academics and make friends I steeped in to second semester with a vision. It had been a week and I felt good to be regular in my studies and befriending couple of new friends. But again how can a story be this simple. One night while surfing on the web I received a facebook buzz from Y (an old classmate). She said she had been dumped two days ago. Discovering that she was going to a local college in the same town I decided to ask her out to get her out of her misery. I had no intentions to make a move on her. Her story sounded familiar as mine but unlikely she has someone to share it with. I wish I had such options. But yes, her beauty was a problem. I could never imagine her being with me. I knew how would the story be like, she calls me her best friend until she finds the next big ‘hotshot’. I was okay with it because at least I was getting to be around her. But on the contrary things were working differently. She herself was trying to make it possible; obviously even god doesn’t like a story that simple. A day came and we crossed borders of friendship. Of course I was the one who proposed. Life was getting better. I used to wait for the weekend to hold her hands. Her tight hug craving for love and affection made my possession turn into obsession. This is when I witnessed god’s most beautiful creation, her erotic and tantalizing eye contact. I could see love building in her eyes. My life was on top of its toes. I used to be happy most of the times, I even used to laugh at terrible jokes and friends always found it weird that the guy who used to be mute few days ago became so full of life. But seriously how can a story be that simple. No matter how well you freeze the ice cream it has to melt when it comes out of the freezer. Suddenly, her ex-boyfriend enters into the picture like a bollywood hero. He finds out what is she doing with this weirdo and he helps her out of her misery. It rains. The weather gets as romantic as it can. Love birds who have been away since long make love just like a breath taking SRK movie . She breaks her contact. So was it over? No, how can a relationship end without tears and only evil people cry at the end of the story. “Y” did it in the worst possible way. Out of the blue one day she changed her relationship status on facebook to in a relationship with ’A’. This brought the most pessimistic comments could have ever received. I was accused of being a loser, dumbo, chhotu , weirdo and boring. As a cherry over this Sunday my ex-girlfriend ‘X’ also commented to disrespect me. Suddenly, I came back on earth. I thought no matter how much do I study or how much I live, I would end up screwing everything. Even suicide popped up into my head as an option but I stopped because of my parents. I was their only child and I didn’t want to die as a coward selfish loser. So I grew stronger. A part of me who was supposed to live life to the fullest died that day. I was alive only to complete my set of responsibilities. No, I didn’t end up studying. I was rather caught up by these movies where a guy who has lost his tempo in life meets a girl and she makes him realize the emphasis of life. But I knew I am not the start a god’s play called ‘life’.

But the story cannot be this simple. One day I met ‘Z’ in a train while travelling. She was almost twice as my age. Even she looked miserable. I could make out she was also a cynic like me. We talked because miserable people need human interaction. I could see it craving in her eyes. She was a divorce and had lost her son. No nothing had happened to him but her husband won the case of who should keep the son. Well we started meeting on weekends. But both of us knew two cynics don’t make an optimist. Wherever we went, be it her place or a restaurant, there always used to be emptiness as in “what am I doing? My partner is not even close to my age. How would he/she understand my situation? ” So eventually we ended up being silent even being together. We could never make an eye contact feeling ashamed of what we were doing. One day I said to myself I had it all. I don’t want anyone in my life. May be I don’t deserve love, maybe I am an introvert who can’t keep relationships or may be god still hates me.

Yes, I was the one who broke the relationship. It was for the best. But unlike my other girlfriends I had the courage to talk my way out of it. So Today I am alone. I love being alone. Yes, maybe I am not as happy as I was in love but I am not as miserable as I was when I lost it. Yes I openly flirt with girls today, I say what’s in my mind and I talk like the biggest cheap alive. But I know I am pure from inside. I know I would be an average student when I pass out. I may never become Mr. Money. I may not nail pretty chicks like rest of my hotshot friends. I may die alone. But I know that I am pure from inside. I laugh, I stay happy, I make a fool of myself deliberately. Well I guess this is my role in god’s play called ‘life’.

But still I know I won’t end this way because a story cannot be that simple!!!

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One thought on “Company of women

  1. “Yes, maybe I am not as happy as I was in love but I am not as miserable as I was when I lost it.”

    This is the line that touched me the most. A sad, but nice read. Thank you

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